I thought about how innocent she used to be.
It was summer in Sialkot, when I saw her first and I would never see her again. The little girl with wild hair in a white dress, dancing alone in circles in the front lawn of her house, with the peacocks watching, roaming around her. She danced in swift the swift motion of a spiral, with the white dress just behind her, the red scarf tied tight on her forehead.
The peacocks understood nothing, but stayed close to her, looking for worms and grains to dig out from the earth, and this child was busy laughing loud and dancing in circles without any music. It was if now she moved faster and faster and looked up at the sky that grew darker and darker, with every passing spiral.
“Meeko! ” the mother, dressed for a wedding, yelled in the lowest voice she could. She made her way to the ten-year girl as fast she could and fiercely held her arm, causing the girl to slip. She slapped the girl right across the face, leaving a red shade on her cheek.
” Do you want to embarrass me in front of your aunt and grand parents? You ruined your hair and your shoes. And the peacock are out of their shed. Put them back in now!And get back in the house so I can brush your hair. Hurry” she let go of daughters hand and walked straight back in the house to deal with her in-laws.
” Yes ammi” Meeko rubbed her face with the back her hand, not bothered by the sting and she got to getting all the peacocks in their shed next to the chickens.
” Goodnight everyone. I have a wedding to go to” She shut their door and ran towards her house.
Meeko was an only daughter to her parents so far. And she was blessed and cursed at the same time with getting all of the attention from everyone in the house. She was a relatively happy child, who would rather play outside with the birds than be inside studying or watching TV.
She wasn’t used to a lot of company either, so she often got in trouble from her parents when she was herself in front of a third-party. It often left her confused since her parents talked about her to each other, while she was in the room, but never to her.
This time her grandparents came to visit, and to visit them her two aunts with their older kids. Meeko was alright with her grand father, not with anyone else in the house. Everyone else would not play with her.
“Ammi? ” she called out knocking at the door.
“Get in” her mother shot back.
As soon as she stepped inside her mother got to brushing her hair, which was in dense strong curls. She pulled and brushed hard and it kept on making Meeko shift from her sitting position.
“You must behave today ” her mother began braiding ” No running. No shouting, meet everyone with a smile and say Assalamualaikum to everyone you meet”
“Jee Ammi” Meeko smiled
” And I don’t want to see you around any boys, stay with the girls or with me” her mother’s voice became stern.
“But Qasim is my friend” she tried to turn her head to face her mother.
But her mother put her face back in place and made her sit straight ” Girls should be friends with girls ” .
“I don’t like them” Meeko puffed crossing her arms.
“Enough” her mother let go of her hair ” we will leave soon, go play with your cousins”.
Meeko made her way down the stairs and peeped her face into the living room, where her aunts, grandmother and cousins were sitting together watching TV.She figured her Dada must have been in his room, and so she went a few steps further into his room, where was reading the news paper alone.
“Dada!” Meeko ran inside towards him.
“My child” The old man smiled ” you’re all dressed up like a fairy”, he put his hand her head ” where are you going to?”
” To a wedding. I hope my friend will be there” she jumped in excitement ” His name is Qasim. He is from my class and he goes to the same park as me”
” I see” her grandfather picked up a green cassette from the side table and placed it into the player, and with a with a smile pressed play.
It was a qawali collection by of Nushrat Fateh Ali Khan. Everyone is the house loved his songs, and it seemed as if her grandfather had left the room as he closed his eyes,losing himself in the music.
Meeko was silent with a smile as she stood there listening, it was a fun sound, maybe she could dance to it later. She heard someone singing from behind, it was father coming inside the room, just as lost as his father.
“Sochta ho kay wo kitne masoom thay
Kya se kya ho gaye dekhte dekhte
Main ne pathar se jin ko banaya sanam
Wo khuda ho gaye dekhte dekhte”
“Abu!” the girl smiled.
He opened his eyes and saw the girl there in her dress all ready, and smiled ” I didn’t see you there”
” Come on! Catch the ball “
” I got it” Meeko pulled both of her hands up, but the ball hit her straight in the belly, causing her to fall to backwards.
” How could she miss such an easy catch ? ” another voice nearly laughed.
” It’s not her fault” Qasim shot back ” Her arms are just short “
“More like her eyes are not coordinated ” the boys laughed .
” Be nice” he hushed them, before he ran towards the girl ” Are you okay Meeko? ” he bent down in front of her.
” I have no idea what happened. I thought I had it” she shook her head as if she was about to cry.
” Don’t worry you’ll get better with practice” he offered her his hand, which she ignored, and picked herself up.
“I should go home now” she turned and walked down the street to her home, leaving the boy to watch her leave .
” See you at school” he yelled .
Us k nazdik ghum-e-tark e wafa kuch bhi nahi
Mutmain aesay hain wo jese huwa kuch bhi nahi
Ab tu hathon se lakeeren bhi mitti jati hain
Us ko kho ker tu mere pass raha kuch b nhi
Meeko did not feel good about falling down today, but it wasn’t the first she missed the ball. Or the first time people called her blind, when she was at the wedding she accidentally bumped into a baby and his mother asked her if she was blind.
Then a few days earlier she couldn’t find her left shoe in her room, so she searched the entire house. She checked the roof, the garden, under the table, behind the tv, the backyard, on the mango tree, at the park, and she even bug a whole in the peacock shed, thinking that they must’ve hid it.
And when she told her mother that the shoe was lost, she found it with no problem right there in her room.
Meeko didn’t say anything that day and spent the whole day with her Dada, who listened to his Qawalis, like nothing else was worth his time. Her Dada used to be in the army, and he told a lot of fun stories, but only when he felt like it, or when some important guest was visiting.
She would bring a blanket and pillow to his room and have him tell stories while she held her tea-cup. It was the most fun she these days, since Qasim would play with the other boys, besides, Ammi already told her not to play with them.
And they made sense, they moved too fast and they were rude, she never understood them and they never let in on anything, so she thought it was best to find some good girl friends.
But its hard to be friends with them, you either are their friend, or you are not and you have to spend all your time with them. Meeko did try to be friends with thirteen year old cousin, but she was interested and said she was only friends with girls from her own school and no one else.
And if that wasn’t bad enough she slapped her right there, on the stairs , and no one believed Meeko.
She thought as she got home ‘ Maybe I wont ever have friends’, ” But I will be fine ” she smiled with her eyes, as she closed the door.
Kal se be kal ho bhala khaak mujhe kal aaye
Kal ka wada tha na wo aaj aaye na wo kal aaye
Roz ka intezar kon kare ap ka aitabar kon kare
Ho chuka wada k kab aaiye ga dekhye ab na bhool jaiye ga
Meeko was on her way to an eye specialist, after a long delay, her father didn’t think there was a problem or need, but her teachers were insistent that they get her eye sight checked.
It was just her and her father who made their way into a building as the wind blew, and her dupatta covered her eyes. Her father had walked ahead of her into the hall, but as Meeko stepped ahead her nose gently hit the glass door. She stood there for a while, her hand on the glass, watching her father walk ahead without a problem.
It was moment before she walked in after him. They met a doctor who flashed lights into her eyes, and asked her read the strange alphabets on a wall, then he made her look through a machine- where she had to focus on a yellow and red house.
“Her eyesight is pretty bad” the doctor told her father” It’s a good thing you got here on time”
” But she is only ten, it shouldn’t be bad at this age” her father looked confused at the girl, as the doctor gave her a pair of glasses to wear.
As soon as she put them on, she gasped. Everything was clear, with sharp lines and shapes, it was not grey of hazed anymore- nothing glowed anymore. The sudden realization came with a sharp sadness, Meeko felt like crying but she did not . She just sat there without a smile, it didn’t matter anymore.
“What’s your name ? ” the doctor asked .
“Minahil” she sighed.
Ghair ki baat tasleem kya kijye
Ab tu khud per bhi hum ko bharoosa nhi
Apna saya smajhte the jin ko kabhi
Wo juda ho gaye dekhte dekhte
Sochta ho kay wo kitne masoom thay
Kya se kya ho gaye dekhte dekhte
Maheen's Muse 