Dealing with plain Jahalat

 

I probably am going to step on some toes, but it’s okay.

So this is probably something that most young people, or children in the family deal with, but isn’t it mind-numbing dealing with the rather oppressive and jahalati stuff that your families are bent on. Like based on your experience , beliefs or education you understand something and you want to move forward and act in a more logical way, at least in your head, but somehow some people always have a personal issue with your personal actions. And they often override your voice and try to demean and degrade the things you like and abuse you mentally like its nothing.

I think in desi families and societies, we sort of leave a blind eye to these incidents, because this kind of treatment mostly comes from people who have some sort of social or financial control over us. Like elders,parents, siblings, distant relatives, further relatives, neighbors, dead relatives, society, fictional characters, other countries- there is no end. And in lots of cases I understand that you have to compromise, and deal with problems.

But dealing with problems does not mean being okay with being publicly crucified. You marrying a guy should not mean having to let his family tell everyone your a dirty woman, or have them spread rumors about you being infertile. But that is abuse thousands of girls face and face with a push, nobody tells them its okay to refuse being treated like a slave in the house of the stranger she married. I mean where is the logic and accountability?

The girls family spends her whole life making them ashamed for existing, and reminding girls that they are a burden, and they keep shoving it down your back that the house of your parents is not your house, but your house is the house where your parents pay for in gold and jahaiz, just to have it kabzaad by her in-laws, and used to wed away her rude sister-in-laws. And how is that it is always these holier than thou children of shaitan that act all holy and proper, that feel like Allah will not let them in heaven if they dont ruin at least the life of three girls. Girls that no one is forcing to take-in, they find the girls themselves, they know what exactly they are marrying into-  Phir kya takleef hai in jahiloon ko. You can’t even call people jahil, because it turns into a ‘not all religious families’, ‘not all modern families’,’not all civilians’,’not all army’. It doesn’t matter. If you are going to do jahil stuff then you should be ready for people to call you what you are.

Adhay say zyada waqt tou maa baap hee aundoon key tarah apnay bachoon ko agg mein pehnk rahay hotain hain. I mean why would you interrupt the education of your olnly daughter, for a random rishta who has no job,no house, no nice family, just because you are scared that she won’t have a secure future. Kyon ka I believe Dosak sirk gunah karnay waloon kay liya nahi , beywakoofoun kay liya hai. These people don’t do their proper research. Trip mein jab yeh jab yeh loog jatay hain, to puray puray sawaal kar kay, idhar udhar say puch bhi ley tain hain, kay shyd koi fraud na hogaye. Apni batioun ko us ghar nahi janay detain, ka pata nahi kiss tarah kay loog houn ghain?

Bus yeh hee woh hoosh jo shadi karnay ka waqt in ka ander maar jati hai.

I get that some times people make mistakes, but the manner in which these mistakes are made, Is stupid, Is insulting. Is absurd. Is pointless. And brings people nothing but ruin and trauma. There is nothing to gain by keeping these systems and cycles going. Let them fall apart, and think about the greater good.

And it’s not even the really big changes like marriages. You can’t really have quirks or odd passions. I like going out and taking pictures, but I have to spread those trips in sections and not do too many, or look like its something I enjoy. It’s stupid. Even by just calling these things stupid, I open myself open to being called modern and bold. Like its a bad thing.I don’t have to think  like everyone else, and I’m not hurting anybody. But you know, you can’t negate anything- because that is of course dis-respectable. There is a lot injustice and abuse parents have done under the name of customs, rights and religion. Koi hasaab hee nahee hai. It’s nothing but a power trap, that we confuse for love and care. It’s nothing but smoke and mirrors.

But how does not react or behave around this jahalat? How does one stand at a sitting and tell people that she doesn’t think dark skin is ugly, and that it’s wrong to treat the daughter-in-laws like shit. The backlash is a hand-wave of disbelief, but it turns into annoyance , and finally into loud violence. Just because you can’t oppose the old,fickle and firm. That’s probably why most of us stay silent.

But we do not have to care about this destruction. We can be everything that we are, and take in a few hits for our dignity. We already know what the odds and prices are. We just have to wait for it to hit. Call out the jahalat when it crosses our path.