Dealing with plain Jahalat

 

I probably am going to step on some toes, but it’s okay.

So this is probably something that most young people, or children in the family deal with, but isn’t it mind-numbing dealing with the rather oppressive and jahalati stuff that your families are bent on. Like based on your experience , beliefs or education you understand something and you want to move forward and act in a more logical way, at least in your head, but somehow some people always have a personal issue with your personal actions. And they often override your voice and try to demean and degrade the things you like and abuse you mentally like its nothing.

I think in desi families and societies, we sort of leave a blind eye to these incidents, because this kind of treatment mostly comes from people who have some sort of social or financial control over us. Like elders,parents, siblings, distant relatives, further relatives, neighbors, dead relatives, society, fictional characters, other countries- there is no end. And in lots of cases I understand that you have to compromise, and deal with problems.

But dealing with problems does not mean being okay with being publicly crucified. You marrying a guy should not mean having to let his family tell everyone your a dirty woman, or have them spread rumors about you being infertile. But that is abuse thousands of girls face and face with a push, nobody tells them its okay to refuse being treated like a slave in the house of the stranger she married. I mean where is the logic and accountability?

The girls family spends her whole life making them ashamed for existing, and reminding girls that they are a burden, and they keep shoving it down your back that the house of your parents is not your house, but your house is the house where your parents pay for in gold and jahaiz, just to have it kabzaad by her in-laws, and used to wed away her rude sister-in-laws. And how is that it is always these holier than thou children of shaitan that act all holy and proper, that feel like Allah will not let them in heaven if they dont ruin at least the life of three girls. Girls that no one is forcing to take-in, they find the girls themselves, they know what exactly they are marrying into-  Phir kya takleef hai in jahiloon ko. You can’t even call people jahil, because it turns into a ‘not all religious families’, ‘not all modern families’,’not all civilians’,’not all army’. It doesn’t matter. If you are going to do jahil stuff then you should be ready for people to call you what you are.

Adhay say zyada waqt tou maa baap hee aundoon key tarah apnay bachoon ko agg mein pehnk rahay hotain hain. I mean why would you interrupt the education of your olnly daughter, for a random rishta who has no job,no house, no nice family, just because you are scared that she won’t have a secure future. Kyon ka I believe Dosak sirk gunah karnay waloon kay liya nahi , beywakoofoun kay liya hai. These people don’t do their proper research. Trip mein jab yeh jab yeh loog jatay hain, to puray puray sawaal kar kay, idhar udhar say puch bhi ley tain hain, kay shyd koi fraud na hogaye. Apni batioun ko us ghar nahi janay detain, ka pata nahi kiss tarah kay loog houn ghain?

Bus yeh hee woh hoosh jo shadi karnay ka waqt in ka ander maar jati hai.

I get that some times people make mistakes, but the manner in which these mistakes are made, Is stupid, Is insulting. Is absurd. Is pointless. And brings people nothing but ruin and trauma. There is nothing to gain by keeping these systems and cycles going. Let them fall apart, and think about the greater good.

And it’s not even the really big changes like marriages. You can’t really have quirks or odd passions. I like going out and taking pictures, but I have to spread those trips in sections and not do too many, or look like its something I enjoy. It’s stupid. Even by just calling these things stupid, I open myself open to being called modern and bold. Like its a bad thing.I don’t have to think  like everyone else, and I’m not hurting anybody. But you know, you can’t negate anything- because that is of course dis-respectable. There is a lot injustice and abuse parents have done under the name of customs, rights and religion. Koi hasaab hee nahee hai. It’s nothing but a power trap, that we confuse for love and care. It’s nothing but smoke and mirrors.

But how does not react or behave around this jahalat? How does one stand at a sitting and tell people that she doesn’t think dark skin is ugly, and that it’s wrong to treat the daughter-in-laws like shit. The backlash is a hand-wave of disbelief, but it turns into annoyance , and finally into loud violence. Just because you can’t oppose the old,fickle and firm. That’s probably why most of us stay silent.

But we do not have to care about this destruction. We can be everything that we are, and take in a few hits for our dignity. We already know what the odds and prices are. We just have to wait for it to hit. Call out the jahalat when it crosses our path.

 

” Paisa pays- Truth Talks”, On Kangana Ranaut and Hrithik Roshan’s issue.

Hi everyone. For this blog post we are going to talk about Kangana Ranaut and Hrithik ( not so bright) Roshan. Both of them are pretty successful and talented Indian actors, but we won’t be talking about any films, instead we will be focusing on a legal issue that has been prevalent for the last three years.

Just to give a little background to the issue, Kangana and Hrithik were once in a secret relationship which nobody really knew about in the media, and they broke up without anyone knowing about it just the same. The frenzy started when Kangana Ranaut mentioned an unnamed ‘silly ex‘. That got Hrithik Roshan angry, and he came out twitter exposing himself and afterwards saying that he never was with her.

 

After that Hrithik sent a bunch of notices to her, and later ‘exposed’ her by leaking thousands of emails, that he alleged that Knagana sent to him, over the past years. Well in that time there was a big legal fallout and Hrithik came out losing the hearing, because there was nothing criminal in those emails, and that impostor he continuously he talked was never found.  Kangana came out clean, and I won’t be showing  or talking about the points that defend her truth or showcase her innocence, because she did that all on her own. And the public loves her for that and we can see truth with the points and logic she put forth.

If you want to see how she did so and hear out you can watch her interview that sparked the recent interest in the issue.

For Urdu and Hindi speakers.

And for English speakers.

 

What we will be talking about the dynamics that were prevalent in the whole situation, self-serving nepotism and how money and influence was used to control the narrative, and if we have time, internal guilt.

Apparently Hrithik was so ashamed of being an ex that he went out to dig his own grave. He and his rich father, went around saying things that they would expose Kangana. During that time her family was threatened and harassed. Knagana was put through all kinds of hurdles and she practically mocked, insulted and defamed and suffered several attacks at her character and her career. They got her old ex to lie about her and call her a witch and they would not let her side of the story on magazines. And at the end of the all the Roshan son father duo, had nothing to stand for and lost the case. But that’s not what they got the media to say, they paid away papers to say that nothing actually happened with the case. And after all this time, Kanagana has finally talked about what she faced, and to the whole exposing comment, she strongly says that ‘It’s been a year I am still waiting for him to expose me’.

This has brought out to the public the terrible face to media politics that hurts people who don’t a rich father to run to clean their own mess or save their careers. If the Roshans are truly innocent why did they have to go through that trouble and buy the words of people to attack a self-made actress who did nothing to them. What were they afraid of? If they are so rich that they can buy narratives and if the industry is so tight-knit that nobody had Kangana’s back, instead they teamed up with them and scared her? What were they afraid of ? She did even take Hrithik’s name, what was he so guilty and scared about. It has been week since Kangana spoke her truth and he has remained silent. There is no point in the Nawab to be silent now, he did this to himself. He opened the issue he made this an issue, he did not care about damaging the girls career or well-being. Why now that he has lost that he decides to stay silent and avoid his mess.

They Hrithik and his father should publicly apologize to her and come out and expose everyone else that they paid to help them defame her. It would be good for the community because it would   empower that boy and girl who are being bullied and used by these big names and families. It would allow girls who are being harassed by ex lovers or husbands that they can get through the injustice and stand in their truth, because in our societies it worse for women to be framed or ‘badnaamed’ then to actually have done anything criminal.

I also had a chance to go through the interviews of other actors  and actresses about this case. They should be ashamed of themselves. None of them could express their true feelings, and instead laughed it of and prayed that it clam down. They were all being diplomatic, which is what we can expect from an army of Stepford wives. They are so caught up in not losing a job that they cannot stand up for someone in a clear-cut case of injustice. I mean I can understand but still, there should be a limit. All those people and they have the exact same no answer answer. Something like this is never going to happen to the Kapoor girls and we all know why.

They did not have to do anything, but they could have at least said something. Is it really that hard for the industry works now?

Lastly, Hrithik is a good example of how harsh men can be. This was a man who was a relationship with this woman, loving or not, there was probably some affection or trust there. What was thinking when he went out to destroy her life, what kind of grown man who has money, fame and comes from a powerful family does that? Why did grown man have to stand behind his father and why can’t he go fight someone who is his equal in society?

And this is  common there are lots of women who felt deeply for their lovers, only to have them go out and damage them. These men can do everything except let a woman go and live in peace, it is as if they have to go out an destroy her and turn society against her before they can sleep at night. This is terrible, frightening and it needs to stop.

We salute Kangana Ranaut for her bravery and for standing up to the system and power structure that steps on the lives and feelings of millions of people everyday, and she get the apology she deserves.

‘Capsicum’,on good writing, passing time, my magazine and making it during the night time

Hi everyone,

I hope all of you have been in the best of health and have been living your life to the fullest.If you have not been, well, then maybe it’s time to start, because that is what I intend to do…hopefully.

Any way let’s talk about what has been going on with me. My publisher friends have been down right ignoring me, regarding my two books. I have been requesting and submitting these two stories to them for the whole half year that has past, and the situation has been nothing a deep stab to the chest and hurtful shame. I finally understand how difficult and emotionally scaring the whole thing is for writers who have been dealing with rejection or harsh criticism, not to suggest I haven’t had those times, but it really is a sad eye opener when you have to defend or fight for your creative property. I would go as far as saying it’s like defending your baby. I’m not really sure what I can do about having my work ignored, it is discouraging and I have cried a bit over it. But I hope it just happens quickly, because I really really want ‘Ramiz’, and ‘Nothing Happened‘ to be published this year. It is something that I’ve wanted to quite some time and the desperation just grows bigger and the agitation follows.

Apart from this tragedy, I would be doing a lot more blogging, vlogging, stuffing on YouTube. So do follow me there, my account name is Ranjha’s Girl. I will talking about books and general stuff about me, and eventually I would like to put up videos about food and culture.

And the last update is a surprise and sort of a big deal for me. I will soon have my own magazine, which I own and control. Ta dah!

The magazine thing happened pretty abruptly, I just said I want a magazine, and in barely a little time I got my friend to get the website done and I payed the fee for it and I guess I am my own boss now. I hope. I’ll let you guys in on the name of the magazine soon, but for now I want to talk about why exactly I felt the need for one and the importance of having your own things.

The reason I wanted the magazine is because I felt like my work for other magazines was not being posted quickly or on time. Which was bad because the good majority of my work was interviews, and I always felt bad when people asked about their interviews, but it wasn’t up yet, because a lot of time and asking went into it, so my own magazine won’t give me lame excuses. Also a problem with me working is that, I was not social enough with the other writers in general, so I did not learn many new things or socialize on a level that would satisfy me, thus with my own magazine I would have no option but to talk to people, network and brainstorm. I would initially be uploading content on my own before I let other people in, just so I get comfortable.

I believe that the magazine will allow to curate and create good and unique content, and really push me into the business and field and maybe push me in with some passion and credibility. Because its sounds really different when you say magazine instead of blog, not to say blogs aren’t amazing, but people do have their prejudices.

And lastly it is important to have something is your own  where you can be yourself to the fullest, and not compromise your narrative or articles for the sake of likes or quick fame. This principle might not take you far in life, but it will help you sleep and and give you self respect. So yes, have power, and give other people a space where their work is welcome and respected.

I am oddly excited and I hope you guys and girls stick around for the whole thing, because deep down I believe I can truly impact the culture and change peoples lives in a great away.

That’s all for now I suppose, and thank you for reading this and I really look forward to getting all this work done and being happy.

Stay blessed.

EITHER KHWAJA OR KHUSRA: Cases of injustice against Pakistan’s Third sex Individuals Collectively ( project)

Hi everyone , 

sorry for being a little inconsistent with my blog and posts, but ive been really really busy. I just through with my exams and now I have fifty weddings to attend. But I promise to be writing more because I do appreciate you guys for readin,following and liking my stuff.

P.S I might have to start a youtube channel soon.

 

 

 

Transgender people in Pakistan have an odd and difficult life, mostly because in the mind of society they are not a threat or a foreign entity. They are also people made by God and therefore must not be offended, in fact special  care must be taken not to offend them . Transgender people were in the council of the Prophet(pbuh) , of Mughal kings and they were once in charge of taking care of the Holy kabah.

In the same society a transgender child might be seen as a punishment from God due to the sins of the parents. They when, borne are thrown away or given directly into a Hijra, never to know their real parents. They are subjugated to harassment, objectification, violation, discrimination and not given jobs; because they are who they are. This is a community of people striped of certain rights and left out of public spaces, which cannot be workers, but can be dancers and singers at weddings. They may also find employment as prostitutes.

So, despite there being a side of our society that believes in the protection of its citizens, there is harm direct and indirect, which is directed towards the transgender community, in both villages and big. They may have it better in large cities but hate crime towards them are still prevalent. Yet against all odds these people have bitten the bullet and stood up for themselves.

In this essay, we will look at a few incidents through which the bigger picture can be analyzed.

 

Pakistan’s First Transgender Model

In recent good news Pakistani magazines and social media featured photos of Kami Sid. Kami is young activist who stunned Pakistani viewers with pictures in traditional clothes with large stunning eyes. This is someone who not only models but also talks about the problems faced by the community.

Is this important and is rather frightening because Kami is the first one ever. What is means is that there is a lack of representation for her people, that the fashion industry is run by men who put up an act to sound more feminine to attract more women, to buy their clothes, and oddly enough get men to try more lady like dresses could only recently feature a transgender individual. And Kami was not even involved with any big names for the photo shoot, this was a small-scale matter that in happened to get attention. But it does open up discussion about the abuse , both physical and cultural transgender people face in Pakistan. They don’t find safe spaces to express themselves or to blind in with other people. When they find employment it is often through charitable intentions and schemes targeting their community.

While normal society will think twice before hiring them or letting them in their own areas, which has over centuries led them to live in an exile in their own community. This is normally because are different from regular males and females who have boundaries, which is important for patriarchal societies, and when the actions or gestures of man and women mix, it is seen as dirty or derogatory for men.

But it is a special shame for the supposed fashion industry, because they make their money off of transgender people. Fashion designers themselves take on softer voices and lady like gestures, which may be westernized but it is an added insult that the people who actually live that life make no money out of it. A good example would be Begum Nawazish Ali, who appropriated and often degraded transgender people on his show, never raising awareness for them or talking about them. He instead made their daily life into a costume to laugh about , while the real people in need to attention got nothing.

The same is the case with Transgender people in America. The LGBT community in America seems to have representatives in office who are only homosexual men, they do not have lesbian speakers or transgender representatives in their immediate parties or narratives .

 

The leaked Video of Ten Men beating Transgender women at Home

A video recently surfaced online of a man pinning a Trans woman to a bed head first and started beating her with his belt. Upon further investigation the victims told the media that the people in that house were beaten, violated and made to drink urine.

The aggressive men have so far been put in jail and the people have shown disgust and anger towards them, but this is only some of the harassment that trans people undergo in our society.

They are under constant harassment from men coming from all walks of life, and often that sexual harassment leads to a much more aggressive hate crime that may often lead to death. The transgender community is filled with untreated trauma and psychological problems , and a major reason they are attacked by men is because, that they are weak and bullied by a majority .Another deep-seated reason is that if a man develops feelings for them he may be seen as gay and that may lead him to act out and kill the innocent victim because their existence bothers their reality .

There is also this notion that Transgender people are more promiscuous or flirts compared to others. This can be viewed as a state of cognitive dissonance from society towards a section of people that they themselves sexualized and limit. Men often behave disrespectful towards them, by flirting or beating and it’s bad enough that we only recently had laws passed promising protection for transgender people. But it shows is that society like it does to women is unable to put the aggressors men who are at fault accountable for their sins. It is easier to take this community and call them immoral and hyper sexual then to actually see that only job we let them have is that of a prostitute. It is hypocrisy that we expect women to perform pardah, but call upon Tran’s men and women to dance for men at weddings.

The Transgender community like women need to reclaim their bodies and find protection from people looking to sexually dominate them .

From being gunned down to having a Seat

Last year one prominent activist for Transgender issues was gunned down in Peshawar and when she was brought into the hospital the doctors refused to treat her or even attempt to save her life.

People often wonder why a marginalized people do not stand up or talk about their problems more, the answer from this case is obvious. It is perhaps better to alive, invisible and slightly uncomfortable then to speak up and be shot down by your fellow country men .

Alisha was a sad wake up call for many, when they brought her body to the ward the doctors laughed and would not operate and asked if she was a dancer. These are all demeaning behaviors; it just shows that this community is not respected especially by men.

Respect is given to those with power and position, and until Trans people find a place of power for them these aggressions will not stop, because a doctor who refuses to aid patients should not be in service. But in order for them to be safe there must be someone from them in an office not in the streets, to stand up and protect them.

But things are looking better because now they can run for office and with elections nearby, Fakir is a trans man looking for a place in public office and he seems eager and waiting to speak up .

 

Micro Aggressions

The Express Tribune recently published an article stating that trans people were banned from Saudi Arabia, but it later came out that the news was false. This can be bad journalism but also a case of micro aggressions which hurts people and psychologically torments them. It is just as bad as being picked on or beat up , and to have ones faith used to hurt them is another low and it only stands out in  number of incidents where trans people were made to less important, or not important enough . Adds and tv shows only show them in stereotypes , they are always dancing and smiling , and incapable of feeling pain and if they do the crowd does not see it .

 

To conclude the battle of trans people is a battle similar to a nation beat down by an oppressor but this oppressor is one too many and always there. It is their life and everywhere they go , they find no escape .